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Christine December 2, 2010 at 5:28 pm

You should try Lucid Dreaming. It’s when you control your dreams, it’s a hard thing to do but if you practice enough you should be able to.http://www.wikihow.com/Lucid-DreamLucid dreaming will allow you to be able do talk to the characters, and ask questions, and everything.I don’t think anythings wrong with you, some people are just prone to weird dreams.

Rap Fan December 3, 2010 at 5:32 am

I’m an author, so I may be able to help. It sounds like a nice demon/zombie kind of story, but of course, as you have mentioned, there are a few spelling mistakes.From a literary point of view, with the description of James, I would not be quite as literal and direct, perhaps be more subtle, while divulging all the necessary information. For example, the first little bit could run something more like this…”Ow!” James cursed as he bumped his head on a sign. His father was taller than him, at 6 and a half feet, but at half a foot shorter, James still found he had all the trouble with height. He was sixteen, thin, and pretty much appeared to be a regular sixteen year old. James chuckled when he thought about peoples’ perceptions. They were rarely correct. He was very different to other sixteen year olds, in that he had an unusual gift, or curse. He could see demons… And you can continue from there.From a plot point of view, it sounds pretty good though, and your description of the demons is good. Just a bit of polishing, and it will shape into a nice story.Hope this helps!!

twilightbaby65621 December 3, 2010 at 5:00 pm

I love your idea! (I’m kind of jealous that I didn’t think of it first.)I’m kind of confused how Kaine and Orion are brothers. . .I’m guessing that they can be related without being the same animal? Are the parents Black Bloods also? Is that how Kaine and Orion turned out? Like their Mum was a tiger and their Dad a wolf? Or are their parents human and Kain and Orion were just ‘freaks of nature’?(Sorry, I put too much thought into things.)But over all, nice idea and great characters! I love Shelby already! She sounds soo cute! Keep up with the good work! I’ll be waiting for updates! xx

❁ §αммÿ ❁ December 4, 2010 at 4:58 am

It’s pretty good I guess but my advice to you is that once you’re finished writing, please correct your grammar and punctuation. When you write dialogue, you have to start a new paragraph when someone else is talking.Incorrect : “Mya…Mya?” My mom pushed on my shoulder lightly. I shook my head, “Sorry mom. I was thinking.”Correct: “Mya…Mya?” My mom pushed on my shoulder lightly. I shook my head, “Sorry mom. I was thinking.”Hope that helped! By the way, your chapters a little too short. I’d recommend you to make it longer if you’re writing a novel.

thinkpeace December 4, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Well it is definitely interesting, and a bit scary. Just a few grammatical errors, other then that sounds good. You are a very creative writer.

BabyReady December 5, 2010 at 5:00 am

too long to read

Ed bites December 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm

This is pretty good but again you overdose on the adverbs. Briskly, instantly, uselessly, disturbingly. They’re all disturbing the flow.You’ve developed a recognisable scenario and two characters. One is an ‘old’ curmudgeon with more than a whiff of evil in his make-up and then other is someone who is basically good enough to chase after the aforesaid curmudgeon in order to return his property which you have hinted is far from danger-free. All this is a few paragraphs. So far so good.Just as a hint of how you could handle the drama without resorting to the poor tactic of adverbs, how about this…I flipped the book over. My fingers traced the leather cover and gold embossed letters: ‘Jone. A diary?’My thoughts were interrupted with an announcement; my train was arriving. A bin wasn’t in sight and I didn’t have the time to look for one. I slid the diary into my bag as the train halted, its brakes screeching like wailing banshees.You also use an odd Americanism…two lonesome chairs. It would be better to use ‘two isolated seats’.Generally you need to choose your words more carefully. English is a wonderul language that has a word for every occasion. Do you really mean the book was sealed or merely constricted by the leather strap?But to answer you question, yes it is a good hook and I would definitely want to read more.

exsft December 6, 2010 at 5:42 am

I would not be overly concerned since as you said, it really would not matter to anyone else… As you can see, you even confuse/perplex and “disgust” some anal retentive “strict vegetarians”/vegans who think their lifestyle MUST have. ethical reasons preferably the same as theirs…Funny though that they freely made their own choices for their own reasons but would be offended when others make their own choices but for different reasons as if vegans have to think as alike…Now they may not show you the secret handshakeYou can say you are a “vegan” just so people might be aware of your (self imposed) dietary restrictions especially when eating at restaurants… But then again, when visiting other people’s homes, you may end up having to explain what a vegan is anyway..

VïvïÐ §kïê§ December 6, 2010 at 5:01 pm

This has to be one of the better stories that I’ve read on the Books and Author section. It has a lot of intrigue and has a lot of creative elements. It’s well written and the plot is fantastic. Overall, you did a good job.

Nagini™ (with a moustache) December 7, 2010 at 5:17 am

Partner 1:Name: Elliot SmithAge: 22Build: Tall, slim, Brown side fringeLooks: Wears black Levi jeans all the time, black tops and hoodiesVoice: Velvet, dark, draws you inPersonality: Polite, kind, sarcastic. If you annoy him he turns evil, he has tantrums, so he’s kind of like a brat.Partner 2:Name: Angelina LeckenbyAge: 20Built: Short, slim, long legged, Sleek black bob, red lipstickLooks: Skinny jeans, woolly jumpers and military bootsPersonality: Quiet, Kind, PoliteStory: Elliot and Angelina don’t seem like the perfect couple but Elliot just sucked Angelina in and has her doing everyhting for him.