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What do you think of my story? part 2?
Part 1- JakeI called her one more time. I had rung the door bell and even knocked. All the lights were on in the house but there wasn’t a car parked in the driveway. I took hold of the brass doorknob and turned it. The door opened and I walked into the open townhouse. I smiled when I saw sixteen Dakota Carlyle, my girlfriend of 8 months sleeping face down on the worn leather sofa. Her hair was flattened down the back of her large gray sweatshirt that concealed her petitie torso. I smiled at the fact that she was wearing the abercrombie jeans I bought for her for her birthday. They fit her perfectly. The flat screen tv was blaring in the background. I looked for the remote but the coffee table was covered in coffee cups and glasses full of half melted ice. I shook Dakota’s shoulder softly. She didn’t wake up.I shook her a little harder. Her head turned to face me, her eyes closed. Her beautifuly thick eyelashes flickered open. Her deep navy, ocean blue eyes stared up at me. “Hey Jake,” she smiled at me.“I missed you,” I leaned over and hugged her closely. I had been in Southern California for the past 5 days, visiting colleges, going to the beach and vacationing. I had missed her like crazy. I only had two days with her until our week-long Thanksgiving break was over. “So where are your parents?” I asked softly.“Out, I think,” she murmured in a sleepy tone.“You okay, babe? You look exauhsted.”“I just need to wake up a little,” she leather hair on furniture yawned. I sat down on the sofa next to her feet.For a second I worried that she wasn’t happy to see me. That maybe in those 5 days I had been away she had forgot about me and found someone else. I remembered first seeing her. The gym was filled with lots of students watching the boys varsity basketball game. I wasn’t focused on the court though, my eyes went to the sidelines. The cheerleaders doing all sorts of crazy stunts and amazing flips. One particular girl with sparkly blue eyes and shiney brown hair being thrown intot he air. From that moment on I knew I wanted her. Days went on and I realized she was everywhere. At lunch, in my gym class playing basketball and volleyball, around the whole highschool campus in between classes.She seemed to be a very outgoing person. She was friendly and funny. I asked her out and we went on date after. Out for pizza, to the movies, to college basketball games and out to dinner. Weeks went on and we got more serious. She was only a sophomore and I was a junior. Yet she was perfect. Her age didn’t change anything. We got along so well. I knew we would last. And here we are several months later. Dakota squeezed my hand and I snapped out of it.“Do you wanna go out?” I asked. She shook her head.“Let’s just hang out.”She grabbed my hand and led me up the cream-carpeted stairs to her bedroom. The first door on the left. I took in all the details of her room I had missed. The walls of her room were completely blank and painted pure white. Her princess-like bed was covered in breadspread of espresso and champagne colors. All the mahgony wood on the matching furniture looked as if it had all been polished. The white mac computor was missing from her deskand the window in front of it was cracked open so the cool almost-december air flooded in.I shut the door quickly and grasped Dakota’s neck with my left hand, I held her face with another. I kissed her softly and warmly, which is what I wanted the whole time we were apart. I want to touch her soft skin and kiss her soft lips. Part 2 DakotaI woke up the morning we were going back to school. The clock read 7:00. My parents had already left for work. I felt like a complete mess and I only had 20 minutes. The smell of artificial heated air filled my bedroom. A headache started in the back of my head. I got up and stood in front of the full-length mirror. My big navy blue eyes were bright but started to throb. My deep espresso brown hair was dark and straight but still slightly highlighted with golden blonde pieces from the summer. I got undressed quickly and dressed again in a pair of jeans that were laying on my bedroom floor and a large grey Princeton sweatshirt from my closet. I stared into my reflection as I brushed my hair until it was smooth. Jake’s car beeped from the driveway and I raced to the front door grabbing my bags on the way.to be continued…..if u want to continue reading , email me with the subject as email reading listwhat do u think of the characters, my writing, etc….
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Part 1- JakeI called her one more time. I had rung the door bell and even knocked. All the lights were on in the house but there wasn’t a car parked in the driveway. I took hold of the brass doorknob and turned it. The door opened and I walked into the open townhouse. I smiled when I saw sixteen Dakota Carlyle, my girlfriend of 8 months sleeping face down on the worn leather sofa. Her hair was flattened down the back of her large gray sweatshirt that concealed her petitie torso. I smiled at the fact that she was wearing the abercrombie jeans I bought for her for her birthday. They fit her perfectly. The flat screen tv was blaring in the background. I looked for the remote but the coffee table was covered in coffee cups and glasses full of half melted ice. I shook Dakota’s shoulder softly. She didn’t wake up.I shook her a little harder. Her head turned to face me, her eyes closed. Her beautifuly thick eyelashes flickered open. Her deep navy, ocean blue eyes stared up at me. “Hey Jake,” she smiled at me.“I missed you,” I leaned over and hugged her closely. I had been in Southern California for the past 5 days, visiting colleges, going to the beach and vacationing. I had missed her like crazy. I only had two days with her until our week-long Thanksgiving break was over. “So where are your parents?” I asked softly.“Out, I think,” she murmured in a sleepy tone.“You okay, babe? You look exauhsted.”“I just need to wake up a little,” she leather hair on furniture yawned. I sat down on the sofa next to her feet.For a second I worried that she wasn’t happy to see me. That maybe in those 5 days I had been away she had forgot about me and found someone else. I remembered first seeing her. The gym was filled with lots of students watching the boys varsity basketball game. I wasn’t focused on the court though, my eyes went to the sidelines. The cheerleaders doing all sorts of crazy stunts and amazing flips. One particular girl with sparkly blue eyes and shiney brown hair being thrown intot he air. From that moment on I knew I wanted her. Days went on and I realized she was everywhere. At lunch, in my gym class playing basketball and volleyball, around the whole highschool campus in between classes.She seemed to be a very outgoing person. She was friendly and funny. I asked her out and we went on date after. Out for pizza, to the movies, to college basketball games and out to dinner. Weeks went on and we got more serious. She was only a sophomore and I was a junior. Yet she was perfect. Her age didn’t change anything. We got along so well. I knew we would last. And here we are several months later. Dakota squeezed my hand and I snapped out of it.“Do you wanna go out?” I asked. She shook her head.“Let’s just hang out.”She grabbed my hand and led me up the cream-carpeted stairs to her bedroom. The first door on the left. I took in all the details of her room I had missed. The walls of her room were completely blank and painted pure white. Her princess-like bed was covered in breadspread of espresso and champagne colors. All the mahgony wood on the matching furniture looked as if it had all been polished. The white mac computor was missing from her deskand the window in front of it was cracked open so the cool almost-december air flooded in.I shut the door quickly and grasped Dakota’s neck with my left hand, I held her face with another. I kissed her softly and warmly, which is what I wanted the whole time we were apart. I want to touch her soft skin and kiss her soft lips. Part 2 DakotaI woke up the morning we were going back to school. The clock read 7:00. My parents had already left for work. I felt like a complete mess and I only had 20 minutes. The smell of artificial heated air filled my bedroom. A headache started in the back of my head. I got up and stood in front of the full-length mirror. My big navy blue eyes were bright but started to throb. My deep espresso brown hair was dark and straight but still slightly highlighted with golden blonde pieces from the summer. I got undressed quickly and dressed again in a pair of jeans that were laying on my bedroom floor and a large grey Princeton sweatshirt from my closet. I stared into my reflection as I brushed my hair until it was smooth. Jake’s car beeped from the driveway and I raced to the front door grabbing my bags on the way.to be continued…..if u want to continue reading , email me with the subject as email reading listwhat do u think of the characters, my writing, etc….
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