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Kristi December 27, 2010 at 8:30 am

It doesnt really sound realistic sorry. You need to make it present tense, sometime you swich between present tense and past tense, and your character needs to interactc with her environment more. Here I re-wrote your first paragraph jsut as an example of how you can improve it:The familiar jingle of my keys sounded as I shoved the key in the lock, pausing momentarily to wipe my muddy shoes, I then pushed the heavy wooden door open with my shoulder. The darkness of the house almost hurt my eyes to readjust to, as I blindly groped the wall until I found the light switch and flicked it on. Two dim lights flickered on then illuminated the large rustic living room and the narrow hallway. The house was as silent as a tomb, except for the high pitch buzz from the plasma TV which was was irritating my ears so I climbed over the black leather couch and past the enormous overflowing book shelves, and poked the red button to turn it off. I continued up the staircase to my bedroom, snatching up some mail addressed to me on my way, but with one glance at the sender I made a mental note to rip it to shreds.sorry i know its not perfect but its just to help you understand what I mean. You need to tell us more about the character and make her seem like a real person by intertwining small deatails into your sentence structure that tell us more about her surroundings and about how she orieantates herself in her environment.But I like where its heading, it sounds like you have in interesting story to tell, so keep at it Never forget that all authours had to start somewhere

Kit December 27, 2010 at 8:21 pm

It sounds very well thought out. I hope that you have included your fiance along the way while planning, remember it’s his wedding too. I know from my own wedding planning that from the time of conception to the time of the actual wedding many things changed, so don’t get too hung up on the finer details.

*jdove* December 28, 2010 at 9:00 am

try this linkhttp://www.spiritconnectionstore.com/leather-braid-wraps.htm

Abellanizzle December 28, 2010 at 8:27 pm

Okay…i really like the idea. It’s very interesting…i haven’t seen it done this way before…so good for you for being original.I found it a little hard to get through tho. It doesn’t flow as easily as i think it should. When you write you do a lot of…i walked up the stairs, i turned on the light, i fumbled for my glasses, then i took a shower…i think you should try not starting so many sentences with ” I “. Um, that should help a little bit. Perhaps push some of your sentences together….”I step out of the shower and reach for a towel. I miss a few times but finally manage to grab one.”…As i got out of the shower my hands clumsily fumbled for the towel. It took me a few tries but i finally got it off the rack….you see what i mean? It flows nicer…don’t you think?Hope i helped.

Kanien:kaha'ka-[]-[]-^-[]-[] December 29, 2010 at 9:11 am

its simply called a hair tie.ETA: maybe they called them hair wraps? same thing. just do a google search of either term.http://www.google.com/search?q=deerskin+hair+ties+wraps&hl=en&safe=active&prmd=sb&source=univ&tbs=shop:1&tbo=u&ei=fnSzTPbTPIOKlwelx8zmDw&sa=X&oi=product_result_group&ct=title&resnum=3&ved=0CDUQrQQwAg