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Anonymous February 16, 2011 at 7:54 am

You should totally go with an ’80’s dress! they were totally awesome back then.. and you could crimp your hair too!this dress is totally cute!!!http://www.betseyjohnson.com/Evening_Hot_Tamale_Strapless_Shirred_Ruffle_Dress/pd/c/1101/np/1101/p/5666.htmlyou could even try going to some thrift stores in your area and find something like itHave fun with it!!

Mizzy February 16, 2011 at 7:52 pm

I’m sooooo happy to see this!!!!Life is a poemAlls I know, is I grew up knowingnothing compares to the lingering scentof a horse

The.Paradigm February 17, 2011 at 8:14 am

I think it’s good so far, love the eye changing. First, you wrote “she had read hair” and I’m guessing that you meant she had red hair. However, we only know her hair color. Try something like “She had long, red hair that flowed with the wind.” Also, we don’t know what time of day it is. You could say “It intrigued him as to how her pale skin glowed in the moonlight.” Now we know how her hair looks and that her skin is pale. Now you could say “Her dress flapped around in the wind and the water splashed onto her bare feet.” Now you know what she is wearing. Try to work on it a bit. I love how it’s going, but a couple things that need work are how the people look and descriptive language. Also, why not change Senta’s name? I usually go to a translator and type in something that fits the character. Then I search translations for something that sounds cool.

starstudded07 February 17, 2011 at 7:52 pm

OH MY GOD.That is exactly how I feel about a guy i like!I’ve known him for like three years, we’re not that close but i really like him. and i think he might’ve liked me. but im too scared to tell him or ask him if he feels the same way but i dont want to regret not asking him but i dont want to tell him and have him reject me. this is such an amazing coincidence.well, for the critiquing part. I love it, but i think there are too many questions. like the first big stanza. eliminate the every question mark. better yet, eliminate all the question marks. also, when you mention “we” i cant tell who that is. make it more personal by being consistent with “I”the part about the lake and the shake makes me think too much of milk shakes and it shatters the hole emotion of that stanza; what about:Throw a rock into the lakeOr will that be a mistakeand i looooove the part about going after something that is so commonly soughtOH MY GOD i love your poem!!!!!!please email me mishawakajess@yahoo.com and i would love to help you edit your poem further. it is really awesome. also, can I print it out? i mean jsut email me your name and stuff and i’ll put your name on as the poet but i reall want a copy of this.Thanks and goood job! i love it. really.

soulflower February 18, 2011 at 8:09 am

Bottom line: if people would live respectable lives and be nice to everyone there would be no politics in anything.I personally feel that the smokers are being persecuted but I dont want to smell smoke. Period. My lungs are bad enough.And these people who talk on the cell phones while driving (not to mention while in lines, on the trains, at the movies, at church and a thousand assorted places where they are not really called for), this is beyond rude it is DANGEROUS.They need to be locked up, period.You should see the wrecks that happen daily at the intersection several blocks near my home. And most of them involve cell phone people….Why do people have to do these things? And this includes insult people of other races, cultures, religions, and orientations than them….Parents have failed. This is all stuff that should have been learned at home.

carmihernz February 18, 2011 at 8:15 pm

don’t wear boots if you’re wearing a long skirt. it would not look nice.

Bridget February 19, 2011 at 8:18 am

“Real” by Karen Lee

Woody Allen February 19, 2011 at 8:15 pm

Your not offering anything you know? I mean you haven’t left your mark. I don’t want to be harsh but it’s not ambitious or even engaging. Also I find it hard to believe the friggin moon could wake somebody up. I’ll give it a 6.

readandwrite95 February 20, 2011 at 8:26 am

The detail is amazing, and the diverse vocabulary you use is as well. I think you use your adjectives widely and decisively, which is very nice. I can see you worked very hard on this piece! The only thing is, could you tell us how old the character is next time, or tell a little bit more about the family situation? I’d like that a lot. This was fabulous, it really drew me in! Keep up the good work! (:

※ Μεlίsαηde February 20, 2011 at 7:52 pm

UhSunriseDimmedPlayboyHAIRLESSTopStraight upEat inPlainHugsRoad RunnerLeatherAffairHalf emptyNo facial hairMadonna NOTLightFirst timeCandyLump sumDepends what it isTop… againSpeedboatSunscreenWorkoutUPSNaked hahaPiercings yesThrillerMoonlightTattoos yesAll brain no brawnUh?ImportedBald NOTHighwayFriedBack doorRapFlats127, 34DDownRock star

arielle2431 February 21, 2011 at 8:20 am

it looks pretty good to the fact that i didn’t read a single word. sorry but i’ m too tired to read that novel.

Answers February 21, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Why do you want to impress him? You act like you guys are going to marry each other and have children.

Sweet Sacrifice February 22, 2011 at 8:23 am

There are a lot of grammatical and spelling errors in this. I’m not sure where the story is going, but it did catch my attention about the whole single mother thing. I want to know what happened to the father, did the mom and dad get divorced, did he die? Right now, though, the story seems to be a bit bland, the descriptions good, but there seems to be no action or excitement.I give it a 6